Conversations that make you go Hmmm

The parents exist to teach the child, but also they must learn what the child has to teach them; and the child has a very good deal to teach them.  Arnold Bennett

As promised, my facebook status the other day said "Interesting conversation this morning in the car with Lily....she is a deep thinker.  To much to write here, but I think a blog is in the future.  She has me thinking."  First of all, why does she always ask me the hard questions while traveling in the car where I can't escape and I can't distract her?  So, here it goes.

Some of you may not know, but this year our children are attending St. Vincent Catholic School and so far, so good!  Anyway, we were talking about Mass and how they worship differently than us.....and of course they have REAL WINE :)  Lily still can't get over that fact.  That conversation led us down the path as to what teachings we believe in that are alike, what teachings we believe in that are different, and I tried to explain to her that we share the main point which was Jesus died for us on the cross.  She agreed that was important.  Then, silence, silence scares me because I know she's thinking.  "Mom, I have a question."  Yep, here it comes.  "Why is it that some parents drop their children off at church and don't stay themselves?"  Being blessed with some years of parenting I followed her question with a question, Mike has taught me that!  To avoid the quotations and confusion as who said what I'm doing the following format.

Me:  Well, how does that make you feel when you see that?
Lily:  It makes me sad.  It makes me wonder if the parents think that church teaches them bad things.
Me:  I don't think parents think church is teaching them bad things because if they did they wouldn't send their children there.
Lily:  Then why don't they stay?
Me:  Maybe they are busy, maybe they don't feel good, maybe they don't enjoy their particular class.
Lily:  That's the most important thing they can teach their children which is to love Jesus.
Me:  That's true
Lily:  It's hard for me to understand because I know the parents love Jesus (as this time she inserted several families but I'm not calling you out).  It's hard for me to understand if they really love Jesus because church is where you need to learn more about him and if they are telling their children to come learn, why are they not staying?  Just confusing to me, saying one thing, acting another way.
Me:  Well that's good for you to think about, when I was a little girl my Mom always dropped us off at church and never stayed, but now that I'm older I realize it's because she worked on Sundays.  I wondered the same thing as you when I was younger and I wished my Mom would have told me the reason because it made me kinda mad at her.  That's one thing I want to do different, give you my reason for my thinking.
Lily:  Yeah, you do that all the time!

Whew, that was fun!  Almost there, almost there, get this girl out of my car. Silence.  Crap.  "Mom, I have another question."  Here we go again.

Lily:   Why do you not take communion sometimes?
Me:  Well hmmm, sometimes I don't feel close to God.  I haven't prayed that week, I haven't read my bible, I haven't made good decisions, so I don't think it's right to take communion just because it's there.
Lily:  He loves you no matter what
Me:  I know, but it's just my personal decision not to go through the motions, but to really think about what it means to follow him.

We are in the parking lot.  Getting closer.  She looks over at me with the most innocent, loving, manner and smiles as to say I love you, but most of all God loves you.  I held it together until they were all out of the car, then tears flowed.  At that very moment, my heart leaped for joy that my daughter gets it, but my heart also ached  because of what she is witnessing in her own church.  I know parents are not perfect, I'm far from it, but it made me so aware that little eyes are watching all the time.  It reminded me that not only am I responsible for my own, but all of God's children rather newborn or elderly.  We are truly his hands and feet.  We are always preaching rather with words or most importantly our actions.

I don't know what to do about this conversation except pray about it.  I've been praying that parents, who I know love Jesus, will feel convicted if they need to get it together.  I was certainly convicted!  Praying that I will become a leader in our home.  I'm praying that I will be a good example to my children. Days that I feel like I'm a complete failure, I'm going to remember this conversation and know that I have to press on even when I'm ready to throw in the towel.  I'm going to quit complaining and start rejoicing.  I'm praying that God will put situations in my life where I can be Jesus to someone, especially in front of my children.  I'm having childlike faith and praying for excitement to be in my heart when it comes to church.  I'm choosing to be the teacher, who also waits to be taught about love, commitment, and trust.  I'm truly a blessed woman.