My dad-Larry Plug Passmore
This blog is a hard one for me. I have prayed over our relationship numerous times and I know that I am loved, even when the little girl inside tells me differently.
Growing up, my parents didn't speak kind to each other. My dad had a quick temper and my mom's demeaning comments and ongoing complaints didn't help keep the peace in our home. I spent a good amount of my time in my room yelling insults into my pillow. I tried to avoid the conversations between them and promised myself that I would never speak to or about my spouse in that manner.
I have tried my hardest to NEVER communicate my disappointments, concerns, or frustrations with Michael the way I was raised. I know I have failed! Michael probably doesn't even know the battle I have deep within myself to control my tongue when I'm faced with these emotions and memories.
Please don't think this is a bashing of my upbringing, it's actually the true picture of Grace. I could have held a grudge, I could have distanced myself, I could have chosen hate, I could tally the marks of hurtful words, but INSTEAD I realized he did his best. All that time, I was selfish, only thinking about how it affected me! I never thought about how my dad lost his own father at an early age, I never thought about how my dad work long hot hours at Carpenter's Body Works trying to provide for his family and the constant worry of being laid off yet again, I never thought about him being the youngest of several children who literally grew up with nothing, I never once thought about HIM!
God intervened, God changed my thoughts and feelings, God restored my faith in having a good relationship with my dad. God's grace allowed me to extend grace to my dad. I can still remember the first time I had a conversation with my dad that I actually enjoyed. I hung up the phone and cried tears of joy, It was life changing.
After thinking about my dad, I realized he is the reason I've always enjoyed writing my thoughts. I can still see his notebook with his very own handwritten thoughts and ideas. In his younger days, he even wrote poetry. I always admired that about him. He also taught me about hard work, to be honest, to be organized and tidy, and that cigarettes can help calm you down when your pissed :)
Most of all, he taught me to be determined and hard-headed. In his honor, I'm continuing this Whole30 journey even when I want to quit the damn thing and smoke a cigarette. Did I mention I'm Plug's daughter :)
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